Well This Explains a Lot

SCENE: A dark & murky cantina, somewhere near the Outer Rim. A human with a scarred face is at the bar, talking with a walrus-faced alien as the human bartender watches them, a sour expression on his face.

EVAZAN: …and THAT was when the Wookie ripped his arm off! Blood spewing everywhere. (chuckles) All that mess, over a stupid game! Let the Wookie win, I say.

PONDA: Waagol berata beedugger, jana!

EVAZAN: Right, another backwater planet, just like this one. Twin suns, lotsa sand…seems like you’ll never wash it all away. I remember that from the last time I was here…and that was forty cycles ago! (Eyes bartender with a speculative look) Say, there was a gal here back then, REALLY liked to party. Hornier than a Alderaanian spiked toad, I tell ya! Skyrunner…Skywaller…something like that. She still around?

WUHER: *grunt*

EVAZAN: Ah, what a night that was! She must’ve had a few too many Midochlorian Margaritas, she was crazy for it! ‘Course, I didn’t have this then (gestures to scarred face)…not that I ever had trouble with the females…of any species! (Nudges Ponda, who chortles) But she was a total freak–did stuff to me you only see in the holo-porns, ya know? (Wistfully) Wonder whatever happened to her?

PONDA: Geehola nikto chik-chik.  

EVAZAN: (Laughs unpleasantly) Maybe! I’m just too fertile for my own good! (Looks at Wuher) I have the death sentence on twelve systems, you know…all for unpaid child support! Good thing I told her my name was “Anakin”!(Laughs heartily)

WUHER: (Looks up at entry door sharply, a grimace spreading in his already-sour face) We don’t serve their kind here!

LUKE: What?

WUHER: Your droids, they’ll have to wait outside. We don’t want them here.

…and I think you know the rest. Search your feelings…you know it to be true.

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
Long ago, in a skanky motel room, far far away…

Special thanks to Tom G. He gets half the credit for this riff (or half the blame!)

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